"Culture Shock After Experiencing Motels": North Korean Defector Women Reveal the Reality of Sexual Culture in the North

BBC News Korea Sheds Light on North Korea’s Sexual Norms
Lack of Sex Education... Contraception Falls to Women
Mountains, Barns, and Warehouses Instead of Motels

Specific testimonies have revealed that the thorough lack of sex education and deep-rooted patriarchal authoritarianism in North Korean society force women to endure a unilateral and oppressive sexual culture, both physically and mentally. Contraception is effectively considered the responsibility of women, and some have testified that couples struggled to find private spaces for intimacy, resorting to mountains, barns, or storage sheds.

Performers of the North Korean Wangjaesan Art Troupe. The photo is unrelated to the specific content of the article. Photo by Yonhap News Agency

A recently released video by the YouTube channel "BBC News Korea" captured North Korean defector women sharing detailed accounts about sexual awareness and dating culture in North Korea.

What they commonly confessed was that opportunities for sex education were extremely limited in North Korea. A defector in her sixties said, "I didn't even know about ovulation. I thought you could get pregnant just by holding hands." Another defector testified that she only learned the words "sexual desire" and "orgasm" after arriving in South Korea.

Contraception Was Left to Women... One Condom Costs the Equivalent of Four Meals

There were also accounts showing that women were entirely held responsible for contraception. According to defector women, among the relatively common contraception methods at the time was the intrauterine device known as a "ring." This device, imported from China, would be purchased at markets and inserted at a hospital. However, some women reported experiencing side effects such as bleeding or lower back pain after using the ring.

It is said that condoms only began to be used in North Korea in the 2010s, but the price was a significant burden. One defector woman in her twenties said that while she secretly sold condoms at the market, men refused to use them because "one condom cost the equivalent of four meals."

Moranbong Band of North Korea. The photo is unrelated to the specific content of the article. Photo by Korean Central TV Yonhap News.

As a result, it was often left to women to figure out contraception on their own. A defector woman in her sixties said she rarely saw men take responsibility for contraception, saying, "The woman always had to do it, no matter what."

Resorting to Mountains and Barns Instead of Motels

Defector women also testified about the lack of private spaces for couples to be intimate. They explained that there were virtually no accommodations in North Korea equivalent to motels in South Korea, so couples would go to mountains, barns, or storage sheds to avoid being seen. Some even had to bring their own blankets to spread on the dirt floor. One woman recalled, "We would do it on a blanket on the dirt floor, or just stand, if there was nothing else. The woman had to prepare everything while the man did nothing."

One woman said she was culturally shocked to discover motels for the first time after settling in South Korea. She didn’t even know what a motel was during her initial years in the South, and was surprised by how clean and convenient it was when she finally visited one. For her, a motel was more than a space for sex; it was one of the first places where she experienced care and respect from a partner.

"Never Wanted Sex"... The Changing Meaning of 'Relations'

One defector woman testified that she never wanted to have sex while in North Korea, and that if her husband wanted it, complying was simply seen as a married woman's duty.

Other women said it was difficult to refuse their husbands' advances—even if the husbands were drunk or if the woman was menstruating. It was unthinkable for a woman to express her sexual needs first, and neither considerate physical affection nor post-coital conversation were common cultural practices.

There was also a strong expectation that women had to endure domestic violence or infidelity within marriage. Even if physically abused by their husbands, women said they felt obliged to endure for the sake of their children and as wives. Adultery by husbands was similarly overlooked with an attitude that "these things happen," according to North Korean defector women.

North Korean cheering squad. The photo is unrelated to the specific content of the article. Photo by Getty Images Korea

After escaping from North Korea and settling in South Korea, the women said their views on their bodies and relationships changed fundamentally. Everyday choices, such as selecting underwear and cosmetics that suited them or choosing whichever drink they wanted at a cafe, were unfamiliar experiences in North Korea. In relationships, for the first time, they experienced partners inquiring after their feelings or well-being and being considerate of them.

"First Time Feeling Loved in South Korea"

One defector woman said that, after experiencing respectful relationships in South Korea, she realized what it truly felt like to be loved for the first time. At the same time, she confessed to feeling sorrow for her past life in North Korea, where she lived knowing so little.

The BBC did not frame these testimonies as merely a difference in dating culture between the North and South, but rather looked at them through the lens of "women's self-determination." The central issue was whether women had the opportunity to ask questions and make choices about their own bodies and desires.

One defector woman said, "If I could be born again, I would want to be born in South Korea," expressing her wish to love confidently from the start and live her life in control of her own body.

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.