"Some Counselors Say 'Cut Off Your Parents'... The Debate Over Family Estrangement Divides the Counseling Field"

Controversy Sparked by Rushed Recommendations for Estrangement
Estrangement Experience Up More Than 10 Percentage Points in Five Years

The approach to counseling regarding parent-child conflict is changing. Whereas counselors once encouraged dialogue and reconciliation, so-called “No Contact” — cutting off or distancing oneself from family members — is spreading in the United States, with some counselors criticized for too readily recommending family estrangement.

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On July 22 (local time), The Wall Street Journal (WSJ) highlighted the increasing phenomenon of adult children cutting ties with their parents and introduced the debate among counselors about whether or not to recommend severing such relationships.

According to a 2020 survey by Cornell University professor Karl Pillemer, 27% (about 67 million people) of more than 1,300 American adults polled reported being estranged from close relatives, and up to 10% had severed relationships with either a parent or a child.

In a subsequent poll conducted by research firm YouGov in 2025 with about 4,400 respondents, the proportion who had experienced estrangement rose to 38%, an increase of more than 10 percentage points in just five years.

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Is Family Estrangement the Answer? Counselors Divided

The counseling industry remains divided over the issue of estrangement. Whitney Goodman, a family counselor, said in an interview with the WSJ, “Why should only parents be given a special pass? The voices of adult children should be trusted, too.” Goodman, who regularly discusses the concept of “emotionally immature parents” on social media, has amassed more than 660,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok.

Conversely, some experts point out that there are cases where counselors recommend estrangement without adequately exploring the family conflict.

William Doherty, professor emeritus of family social science at the University of Minnesota and a counselor, noted, “These days, there’s a tendency to interpret everything as trauma, and to treat cutting off a relationship as a solution.” He emphasized, “Estrangement from a parent or a loved one should be an absolute last resort, and not something that should be easily recommended in the course of counseling.”

Marriage and family therapist Peter Anderson surveyed about 7,000 parents who are estranged from their children and found that one in three reported that their child’s counselor influenced the estrangement decision. Anderson pointed out that “some counselors rely too heavily on the stories of their clients, sometimes making judgments after hearing only one side.”

Estrangement does not necessarily lead to stability. Professor Pillemer’s research team found that while a sense of liberation is common immediately after estrangement, over time, chronic unhappiness and depressive symptoms become more prevalent. They analyzed that unexpected side effects can include broken sibling relationships, the loss of grandparent-grandchild bonds, and gaps in elder care for aging parents.

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.